Does anyone think Flogging Molly trying to do an in-store this Saturday at Sound Garden will be as hilarious as I do? In-stores with popular bands always crack me up because it's like, "good luck having it not turn into a riot." Sure, maybe I'm just bitter because I'm tired of the jokes and gag gifts people have gotten me over the years regarding this band, but whatever. I don't like their music even though, or perhaps especially, because my name is Molly. The in-store is slated for 3 P.M. on Saturday, so maybe it will be less crowded than expected. They are also playing Ram's Head that night if you want to pay to see them in a slightly less crowded environment.

For my money, you're better off heading to the Patterson to check out Maryland's Wye Oak who will be performing at SXSW in a few weeks along with other Merge label artists. Tons of other Mobtown acts are playing, and I hope to be able to catch up with some while there, like Ponytail, Dan Deacon, The Lexie Mountain Boys (so much better than Lexie Anorexy), and on and on. Isn't this town just full of talent?

Saturday, the first of the month, also brings us the Locus Magazine Issue 4 Release Party at the Metro Gallery. It's bound to be a good time with lots of music and fraternizing over this tiny, pretty, sometimes periodical.

My plans include a Friday party to commemorate the birth of Dirty Trixie, with hopefully an orange, mostly nude man popping out of a giant fake cake (or not).  

How did you enjoy the Oscars? C'mon, you know you watched it! My weekend was pretty chill due to general malaise. Went to see the 'rents in VA, whereby I was told how crappy my car is and given many foodstuffs I'll probably never eat. Someone had a good time this weekend, though, as I came home to an exploded house. My best guess is that the friend I leant the premises to as a favor for a "dinner party" served crack instead, leading to broken furniture and mass destruction. It's nice to have friends.

Lo-Fi must've been pretty riotous on Saturday given the mass text messaging instructing me to go there. Double Dagger and Hunchback were rocking the house, lending to exclamation marks galore.

This Tuesday will be pretty interesting (no, I'm not joking). Sonar's bringing Henry Rollins and his rants to you live. I've talked to the man, and he may be mad about some things, but he's also smart and mostly right. It makes listening to him enjoyable and thought provoking.

Passion is so in fashion, no? Well, let's not go back to our '90s apathy just yet. Politics aside, it's important to care about something, right? Mobtown, what do you care about this week? Any opinions on Hammering Hank?

Don't everybody get too excited, but Blondsai's playing the Sidebar tonight. Thursday, as I may have previously mentioned, is the new Friday, so hit the town. My friend Tim is a teacher and says this is one of the many times of year when you'll see a lot of stressed out drunken teachers due to parent-teacher conferences. I don't know about you, but I'd just be like, "I can't help it if your kid's stupid." Well, maybe not, but you can get together some teacher friends of yours and teach them a lesson about how much stronger your liver is. Tax time is what's making me want to drink. I've never done my own and feel a little stupid myself as a result.

Whatever...Is everyone psyched about the Academy Awards on Sunday? Yeah, me neither. Why are all the movies depressing as hell this year? Even "Juno" isn't all smiles. (And if I have to hear that Moldy Peaches song one more time, I'm going to shoot someone.) "Atonement" made me want to open up my veins in a warm bath, and "No Country for Old Men" is so bleak it makes "Dying Young" look like a laugh riot. 

Eff the freaking Oscars and go play pool at Dougherty's or eat at Dizzy Issie's, which sounds like a joke, but they have really good food...Check out the over priced Mustang Alley's or be cheap and go to Patterson Bowl. Do anything but sit through boring acceptance speeches. Well, I'll probably watch it anyhow...you?

Friday is a blur for me, which is weird because I stayed in. I heard lots of good things about the Lo-Fi show, which featured Secret Crush Society. It was their last show before sweet guitarist Joe Grey disappeared into the toxic embrace of the NYC. Bye-bye, Joe, we'll miss you.

On a more upbeat note, both Jap fests in D.C. were excellent for their own reasons. Katsucon in D.C. was chocked full of LARPERS and cosplay freaks on speed. I've never seen so many iterations of Link from Zelda in one place, or ever really. But I did know an artist there and my bf was giving a music panel, so I can't cry "dorks" too loudly without feeling like a hypocrite...never mind, dorks!

The Japan! Culture + Hyperculture festival was more high-brow by all appearances, but after the niceties of art and watching freakishly lifelike robots perform, people got rude. It was like wading through Normandy after the attack just to try to glimpse the Harajuku fashion show, which turned out to be pretty lame. I mean I've seen better break dancing on the street and those outfits looked largely like David's Bridal throwaways. But you would've thought they were handing out cocaine at Bryant Park the way people were pawing at each other to see the kooky spectacle.

The first derby battle in city limits in all of CCRG history took place on Sunday, which I heard from many was a sight for sore eyes.

What could be better than VD? Seriously though, if you're single, you should be happy you're not crowding into an over-priced restaurant on a weekday for an evening of forced romance that's largely fueled by alcohol...don't let it ever be said that I'm not a romantic. We're going to the Helmand, yum, but not until 9pm because apparently other people thought this would be a good idea too. Whatever you do, don't order that pumpkin appetizer people go nuts for...I mean it looks like baby poop and is far from the best thing on their otherwise awesome menu. Their country may be being ravaged by war, but their cuisine is still kick ass.

This weekend, I'm headed to DC for a weekend of nightmares: Japananime!!! Can you hear the Psycho screeching noises now? Two Japanese conventions in one weekend: Katsucon and Japan! Culture + Hyper Culture.

Obviously there's tons of non-Jap related things happening this weekend: Go see U2 in 3D at the Science Center. My cousin says it's pretty boss, and my friend Eric recommended it, but I suspect that they both listen to jam bands, so who knows?

What are you doing that's naughty? Romantic? Just fun?

Thursday’s Chocolate Affair was delicious. Check out my tales of fatness.  

On Saturday the tattoo convention was crowded as a Mexican movie theater (this is not prejudiced, but a factual comparison if you’ve ever tried to go to the movies in Mexico). Waiting in long lines to see the vendors or even get from one room to another’s not really pleasant, but it was fun to drink beer and chat people up about their tattoos. Plus there were plenty of masochists getting inked onsite. There were even traditional Japanese tattoo artists there doing things the old fashioned way or as I heard someone say “unplugged,” lol. Well, that looked like it really hurts because it basically involves someone stabbing you over and over again with a tiny ink-dipped knife. One guy said it hurt less than a regular gun. I only have one word on that tip: Liar.

Dinner at Metropolitan Saturday for my friends’ birthday was delicious, but the company always outshines the service there because they’re always understaffed. Illusions the live magic show bar was surprisingly not as cheesy and boring as I thought it would be, despite my best efforts to ruin the show by being a loud drunk and dropping a deck of cards during a trick. The show is well worth the $5 cover charge, and it definitely outdoes the average Federal Hill experience.

What’s everyone up to for Valentine’s Day? Any good ideas?  

Yeah, that's what we all want for Valentine's Day, a little fat to hold on to. Or at least that's the line of thought behind all this chocolate going around. Tonight's Chocolate Affair promises to be a giant pig out. Can't wait! I think if I were allergic to chocolate, I might off myself. Anyone know anyone with such a horrible allergy? My friend Robin's a vegan who's allergic to nuts (the eatable kind). I'm not sure why she's still with us. 

Remember when Mobtown firsts (like First Thursdays) used to be about museums? Then it was about drinking in Mt. Vernon, now it's about drinking wherever. How far we've come. Speaking of drinking (when am I not really?), hit up the numerous happy hours or yet another underground dance party "Reaction" at the Sidebar and dancing at Grand Central. (Where the hell can you dance in there between the bars and the pool tables?) It's been a while since I've hung in the gayborhood. Time to go back?

Saturday's the Tattoo Convention, which should be packed with hotties and weirdos (so like every other day in B-More, but with cuties). CCRG will have a table there and look the part no doubt. Afterward I'm headed to Federal Hill for my friend Xani's birthday. She wants to check out the Magic Bar, which is supposed to be a unique experience. Has everyone been there but me? It used to be an actual magic store. I kind of feel bad that they had to close because I walked by and said, "How does that place stay in business?" Then the next time I walked by, they weren't. Oops, Cassandra of meaningless and slightly negative occurrences, such is my fate. 

If you’re really bored this weekend but have no energy, drive from the Harbor up Charles Street to see the hordes of Baltimoreans huddled on the sidewalks smoking. It’s pretty entertaining. Don’t honk at me though, ok?

Also, if you have awesome Valentine's Day present ideas, please, I'm begging you, send them my way.

Last Friday's exhibition bout of the roller girls at St. Frances Academy on Chase and Greenmount was surreal. Skating derby in front of a urban teenage population of around 500 was humbling because they neither seemed to understand what the hell we were doing there, nor care. But it was kind of fun to skate on there pristine basketball court and have plush chairs to sit on as a bench, as opposed to the luxury of Putty Hill Skateland. Coach Owens was awesome too and gave us snacks and drinks and pretty much everything else we could ever want. He and his older friends are excited to see roller derby back in Baltimore proper (Feb. 17th at the Armory) because they used to go watch the Cats in the '70s. I didn’t want to tell him that we're a lot less like WWF than they were.

After the mock bout, we headed over the Kitty Kat Bar for a few drinks, where I knitted in an attempt to refrain from smoking, losing much face in the process. My favorite comment on the subject came from Ali Kaida, "you're so lame, why are you knitting? Can you teach me how to do that?"

Saturday's Clash cover night at the Sidebar featured an awesome set by Thee Lexington Arrows, but the John Hardy Boys stole the show toward the end of their set with slide guitar versions of “London Calling” and other classic Clash songs. By the end of the night though, the all-star tribute going on stage (a combination of different band members, switching singers for each song) deteriorated into a sort of a drunken sing-along, with crowd members grabbing mics and belting out, "oooh, the Guns of Brixton." That was sort of fun to watch, but again, surreal.

I heard Trixie Little put on a good show over at the Ottobar, with here trapeze act as the highlight of the night. Anyone else catch it? How about the drunken sing-along? Yikes. Baltimore can be a strange place sometimes. Hit me back with your plans for the week to come.